My Church Talk {Thanks Kai- for asking me to speak!}

Kai is in the bishopric and felt "inspired to ask me to give a talk . . . I wasn't thrilled at first but fell in love with this article by President Uchtdorf.

 

 From November 2012 Ensign General Conference Issue. Talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf "Of Regrets and Resolutions"

Dear Brothers and Sisters, My name is Amy Davis. As a member of the congregation I have often heard stories told from the pulpit about how fellow members were “asked” to speak. Some would be speakers were able to play cloak and dagger with Brother Davis in some way to avoid the task. Others were ambushed at the door step to their homes, when a smiling Brother Davis happily greeted them with a request and a topic upon opening the front door. Others were alerted when their phone rang and caller ID proudly proclaimed the Davis name quickly warning of the possibility of a Sunday talk or a ward calling.  But

Brothers and sisters, I must say, I had the worst ambush of all. Last Sunday, when I came home, Brother Davis was already inside my house sitting at my kitchen table. I had no where to run and worse no warning of the impending danger. Brother Davis simply said, “Amy, I feel inspired to ask you to speak next Sunday.”  I chuckled at first until I realized that he was serious. I told him that he better be careful in the way he used the word, “inspired” around the house and that it surely wouldn’t work for every task he wanted me to do.

So here I am to give you a message. I will draw upon a talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in the last general conference entitled, “Of Regrets and Resolutions”

If today were the last day that you spent on this earth, with whom and how would you want to spend it?  (Pause for thought)

As, President Uchtdorf says, “We are all mortal. I hope this does not come as a surprise to anyone.”

Looking back on our lives, no matter how long or short they may be in comparison to one another, I am sure we would all find precious memories tucked away in the quiet recess of our minds. Reliving these memories would be like warpping ourselves in a ray of sunshine on a cold winter’s day. They would put a smile on our face without even realizing it. The first time you scored a winning goal, how it felt to have your father brush his warm hand against your forehead. The first time you held hands with the boy you liked. The look on your spouses face the day you were married, holding your sweet child in your arms for the first time, the joy of having your family encircled round about you engaged in some sort of activity. These are the kind of memories, that make one feel warm and happy from the inside.

Sadly, along with these memories might also come regrets. We might regret things that we wish we could undo, we might regret things that we knew we should have done but failed to do.

President Uchtdorf sites a nurse who cares for terminally ill patients. He said “ she would often ask a simple question of her patients as they prepared to depart this life. “Do you have any regrets?”

Being so close to that final day of mortality often gives clarity to thought and provides insight and perspective. These patients would often open their mouths and speak freely about what they would change if only they could turn back the clock.”

The three most common regrets were as followed:

1. I wish I had spent more time with my family.
2. I wish I had lived up to my potential.
3. I wish I had let myself be happier

As President Uchtdorf considered what these patients had said, “it struck him how the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ can affect our life’s direction for good, if only we apply the principles.”

The more we devote ourselves to the teachings of Jesus Christ, the less likely we will walk on a path that leads to regrets.

It is a good time of year to consider how we might be better disciples of Christ. President Uchtdorf listed the antidote to the three regrets mentioned by the terminal patients. To make sure we can live a life filled with little regret, let us resolve to do better in these three areas:

1. Let us resolve to spend more time with the ones we love.
2. Let us strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be.
3. Let us resolve to find happiness, regardless of our circumstance.

Allow me to examine with you, both the regret and the antidote.

Regret number one:

“I wish I had spent more time with the people we love”

 Quote number 1 p. 22

"Perhaps the most universal regret dying patients expressed was that they wished they had spent more time with the people they love. Men in particular sang this universal lament: the "deeply regretted spendin so much of their lives on the {daily} treadmill of . . .work." Many had lost out on choice memories that come from spending time with family and friends. They missed developing a deep connection with those who meant the most to them."

1. Antidote:  Spend more time with the people you love.

Some of us spread ourselves so thin. We commit to so many worth while causes that we hardly have the time to breath. President Uchtdorf warns against wearing our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or a sign of superior life.

 Christ lived each day full of purpose. Those Christ interacted with felt important and loved. Christ knew the infinite value of the people he met. He blessed them, he ministered to them he lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of his time. Do not over commit. Take time to slow down. Spend less time in front of the computer or TV and more time talking, playing and laughing.

My Dad passed away when I was nine years old. I remember wondering, at that young age, if he knew that I loved him. I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually said those three little words to him. That seems a heavy thought for a nine year old.

My dad was not a perfect man, but I do have wonderful memories of him. My dad climbed trees with me. He told me stories at bedtime. As he would play the piano in my grandma’s living room, I would dance to the music. We would have tickle fights. After I brushed my teeth he would ask me to smile and as I did so, he would cover his eyes and pretend that my teeth were so bright and sparkly, that he had to shield his eyes. It was these little moments that created cherished memories. Do not mistakenly think that the only important family or friend time must only exist on a grand scale. Everyday quiet moments, can be just as wonderful.

Love is a verb and requires our action. Say, “I love you” more often. Be free with your praise. Compliment more often. Create moments for lasting memories. Love like there is no tomorrow.  The most profitable investment you can make is in each other. We must realize the infinite value of those around us.

Regret Number Two: I wish I had lived up to my potential.

Quote  #2 on page 22

"Another regret people expressed was that they failed to become the person they felt they could and should have been. When they looked back on their lives, they realized that they never lived up to their potential, that too many songs remained unsung.

I am not speaking here of climbing the ladder of success in our various professions. That ladder, no matter how lofty it may appear on this earth, barely amounts to a single step in the great eternal journey awaiting us.

Rather, I am speaking of becoming the person God, our Heavenly Father, intended us to be.  

Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence."

2. Antidote: Live up to your potential by making good choices. God has a plan for your life.

As quoted from one of my favorite songs,

“He put a light in side you

To remind you

You’re part of his plan

 And you may not see

What he’s shaping you to be

By the power of his  hands

He has written beautiful things in your life

You are a masterpiece in his eyes

You have his love to guide you

You carry a purpose divine

He draws you near

And the music that you hear

Whispers of your heavenly design

He has blessed you and given you so many gifts

You’re an instrument for Him

Ther is a song inside you

He wrote a  melody

Only you can play

He’s leading you by faith

to find your voice

So sing it strong

He’s seen  it all along

It’s your song.” End quote

As long as you are a live and breathing,  it is never too late to become who Heavenly Father knows you can become. Doing it sooner rather than later can help you avoid regret.

Think of Charles Dickens’ famous story, A Christmas Carol. Old Ebenezer Scrooge spends his life being selfish and grouchy to say the least. He completely turns his back on his fellow man in his pursuit of wealth. When it is almost too late for Scrooge’s soul to be saved from being doomed for all eternity. Scrooge is visited by three spirits who are able to convince him to shred the shackles of his greed and  instead, embrace his fellow man. At which point, Scrooge decides to be the man who he was meant to be and begins to bless the lives around him and right as many wrongs as he can.

Another story, entitled Jacob T. Marley, tells of Scrooges partner, the very same partner that was the first apparition to appear to Ebenezer. Marley tries to warn Scrooge about the horrors that await him in the after life.  If Scrooge will not turn from his dangerous path of greed, then he would be doomed to suffer the same horrible fate that Marley was consigned. After Marley’s visit,  three more spirits came to see Scrooge. Well, according to this book, unbeknownst to Scrooge, Marley was present with Scrooge and the spirits as they visited the various stages of Scrooges life. 

Upon seeing Tiny Tim, and learning that his fate rested in the hands of Scrooge and Scrooge’s alone. Marley protested and told the spirit of Christmas Present that it was not fair that Tiny Tim should be condemned because of the lack of heart from Scrooge. There simply could be no justice in that.

To which the spirit replied, to paraphrase, “Jacob, the actions of every man matter. Spirits cannot remove every obstacle from the path of life because then man would do nothing for each other. The choice to do for others is a gift, and you must use it for good or for ill.

Brothers and sisters we are on this earth to do good. To care for each other like our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ care about us.

President Uchtdorf says,

“Declaring our testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is good, but being a living example of the restored gospel is better.  Wishing to be more faithful to our covenants is good, actually being faithful to our covenants- including living a virtuous life, Paying our tithes and offerings, keeping the w of w, and serving those in need is much better. Announcing that we will dedicate more time for family Prayer, scripture study and family activities is good, but actually doing these things will bring heavenly blessings to our lives.

Discipleship is the purist of holiness and happiness. It is the path to our best and happiest self.”

3.Regret number 3: I wish I had let myself be happier

Quote number three on p. 23

"Another regret of those who knew they were dying may be somewhat surprising. They wished they had let themselves be happier.

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

 

We do matter. We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness."

Antidote: resolve to be happy, no matter your circumstance. There is always something to be thankful for. There is always something to be happy about.  As they say, even the darkest cloud has a silver lining.

Last year, my youngest daughter all but severed her baby toe at the first knuckle. She had been in the garage with me and I turned my back, literally for a second when I heard our steal luggage car-rack slam to the ground with an ominous thud. My baby who was barely one at the time made no noise at first, due to shock, but without seeing exactly where the luggage rack landed, I knew something was going to be cut off. I lifted the rack off her foot without looking, unable to bear the sight of the wound at first, and yelled to Kai. We grabbed some ice for her toe and drove to the ER as quickly as we could. By this point Raia was screaming and writhing in pain.

I don’t recall why, but at some point I was left alone with Raia in triage. I am sure that Kai was making arrangements for our other children and the nurses and doctors were elsewhere.

I was overwhelmed with sorrow. Watching your child suffer is awful. I felt like at any moment her toe would fall all the way off as she twisted and turned in my arms, rejecting the ice I was trying so desperately to hold to the wound. I felt Raia’s pain stab through my heart compounded by the knowledge that this accident happened on my watch. I felt I should have protected her better and I was about to despair when I began to pray.

“Heavenly Father” I pleaded “This is too much. I can’t do this. I feel so bad. My poor baby is injured and I am weighted with pain. Help me. Help her. Please let her be ok. Please help me be strong for her. Please strengthen me and hold me up now so that I don’t fall apart.”

Thoughts began to poor through my mind.

At least luggae rack didn’t fall upon both of her feet. At least it wasn’t the whole foot that was severed. At least all the other toes were spared. At least it was only one little toe. She will still, live, she will still walk. Her only consequence may be that she will refuse to wear open toed shoes.”

This train of thought calmed me and I knew it was from my Heavenly Father, given to me in words that I could understand. It was true that we were in a bad situation and yet we still had so much to be thankful for.

Dr. Johnson was actually able to reattach the toe and the wound is almost invisible.

Heavenly Father helped me to adjust my attitude. He gave me strength and calmed my troubled heart. It is us who determine our happiness as we rely on the Lord.

Let us strive to become better Disciples of Christ. Let us love those whom God has entrusted to our care. Let us strive to reach our full potential through righteous living, and let us make up our minds to be happy. For that is the path that leads to happiness and away from regret.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.